The following report written by Lim Yue Jia (23) 304, a co-founder of Association of Single Mothers Singapore, is extracted from The Daily Times:
Being a mother is a noble status, right?
So why does it change when you put ‘unwed' or ‘welfare' in front of it?
-Gloria Steinem, founder, Feminist Party, 1971
How true. Single mothers have been denied many basic services and benefits from the government, and their cries have finally been heard by the government who has decided to accord them the same privileges starting of this month.
After the speech where MM Lee announced the change, I interviewed Kim, a single mother. She has adopted a child instead of giving birth due to medical conditions and has decided to remain single.
"Our pleas have been heard! The government has finally allowed us single mothers to purchase HDB flats and receive Baby Bonus!
Before the government accorded us the same privileges, I had to live with my parents and younger siblings. My younger siblings were always interfering with my personal life and intruding on my privacy! My parents always pressed me to find a husband though I would prefer to be a single mother. Also, everything I did was scrutinised by my family members, and I had no time alone with my child at all!
Every time they ‘lectured’ me on ways to bring up my child and how important it was to find a husband, I felt extremely pressurised and frustrated. At one point in time, I even thought of just marrying a close male friend just to pacify my parents, and also to get a separate flat!"
Now, many single mothers are relieved as their immediate needs are being recognised by the government, who accords them the right to purchase a flat and receive Baby Bonuses. The dread of facing rounds of ‘lectures’ from their families has been lifted from their shoulders and they now lead a more carefree life.
However, pro-family activists are now criticising the government’s decision. They feel that by allowing single mothers to all these privileges, Asian values will be corroded and the importance of family foundation of nationhood undermined. Also, they feel that the change will encourage 'welfare dependency' on the government.
However, we feel that due to our society’s staunch moral obligations, very few women would become single mothers for the sake of a flat here. Rather, it is because single mothers are in desperate financial plight that they need a flat even more. According single mothers the same privileges do not condone single motherhood; it is merely to assist single mothers who have no means to resolve their current hardship.
Why should single mothers be denied the chance of sharing their love with a child of their own? Even though it is beneficial for a child’s wholesome development to have both a mother and father in the family, we ought to understand the perspective of single mothers who choose to be single parents. Perhaps they had previous unhappy marriages with destructive fathers? Perhaps they are unable to find a suitable life partner? A father without feelings for the family does no good to both the mother and the child.
If we deny single mothers the same privileges, some may choose to marry so that they can enjoy the privileges given to married women. If single mothers marry for a ‘better future’, do you think the families formed will be strong and able to withstand for years? These families are founded upon material gains and reluctance, not out of true love and trust.
Do you want such unsubstantial families to be the foundation of our nation?
Pro-family activists are often deluded into thinking that in time, both father and mother will develop true feelings for one another and actually contribute to the family. However, studies have shown that 85% of single mothers are resigned to being unwed for life.
As can be seen from Kim's experience, living together with parents may not bring single mothers closer to their family like what the pro-family activists portray. Constant quarrels between single mothers and their parents over issues like different ways of bringing up the child may strain relationships and break previously strong families up, and this is extremely undesirable. By providing single mothers a chance to move out and start a family on their own, they learn to be independent and self-help themselves.
By providing single mothers with the same privileges like the ability to purchase HDB flats and receive the Baby Bonus, they can stop worrying about facing pressures when at home and focus better at work and improving themselves. By having a clearer mind and more refreshed and energized self, they can better plan their future.
The Baby Bonus allows single mothers to pay for their child’s basic needs like milk and diapers. Single mothers can also use that money to enrol their child into public nurseries so that they have more time on their hands to take on a more permanent and stable job. With bonuses, single mothers can ease their minds
The new change the government has implemented truly assists single mothers in so many ways. Single mothers can assimilate better into society and are able to plan out their future with clear aims in mind. Who knows, with the current changes set to assist them, they might even find time to socialise, and perhaps find their one true love.
